Sat navs. A driver’s best friend, or a pain in the gear stick? Ok, so they are quite useful. They’re more compact than maps, they don’t require a co-pilot, and they can update themselves automatically. But by God they can be annoying.

Here’s why:

‘Turn around where possible’

Funny enough TomTom, I’m on a motorway. I can’t turn around where possible. Well, I could, I suppose, but a cross-lane multi-vehicle license would ensue, and I would lose my car, my license, and very possibly my life. Instructions given without an element of human logic are infuriating at best, and disastrous at worse.

‘Novelty’ voices

They’re fun, they’re quirky…they’re downright annoying. In the days before email, did your husband or wife sit in the passenger seat rabbiting on like Yoda or Jeremy Clarkson? No, they sat there in silence, giving occasional directions in clear English. Either that, or you had a blazing row.

My wife/husband disagrees with them

Despite the occasional bizarre instructions and stupid voices, sat navs are based on computer-calculated formulae. Which means that, by and large, they are right. But why does your spouse never believe that to be the case? “Oh no, why is it taking us that way? Not a chance is that the fastest route, I know these roads like the back of my hand, I tell you. I’d shave twenty minutes off that.” Shut up and go back to sleep.

My children do impressions of them

Children in cars are annoying. Sat navs, for the aforementioned reasons, are also annoying. Children plus sat navs are stupendously annoying.

“Turn right at the roundabout, third exit,” says Sat Nav. “Right at the roundabout, THHIIIRRD exit” squeals child. “Daaaaaaaaad, it said right at the roundabout!”

Old people don’t understand them

To be fair, technology has come a long way in the last few decades, so a small box barking instructions at you is a fairly bizarre concept. Jumping with surprise at every instruction, and following along with a finger on the map can be pretty aggravating for a driver. Why bother with the sat nav in the first place if you’re going to use a map anyway?! Although, thinking about it, perhaps they’re better off that way…